Silken Thigh

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When I was 11, I saw the movie Tommy for the first time. Ann Margret played Tommy's  mother, and she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Oliver Reed Played Tommy's stepdad Bernie. He was greasy and ugly and slurred his words and I wondered why she would be with a man like that.

There was a scene in which Tommy and his mother were staying at "Bernie's Holiday Camp" and it seemed a lousy place for a kid, but Tommy appeared to be happy and I liked that because I wanted to be Tommy, and so I wanted to be at "Bernie's" too. But still, I wondered why Tommy's mom liked Bernie because he was greasy and ugly and slurred his words.

At the camp they hold a "lovely legs contest" in which 10 or so women stand behind a board which blocks our view of their upper bodies, revealing only legs in high heel shoes. I thought that it would be impossible to pick a winner because they ALL looked like sex and skin and how would you choose? Bernie was, of course, the judge, and as he stood there he seemed even uglier and greasier next to those lovely legs. Why did she want him? Why would any of the women that owned those legs want him?

They reveal the winner, and of course it's Tommy's mom, and I thought it must be fixed because Bernie wanted to fuck her and it's his camp, and even an 11-year-old knows that picking her would work. I was angry at first because Tommy must also know this, but just after Bernie reveals her as the winner, he caresses her leg and he sings:

"Here we have the winner, folks!
Have you ever seen a lovelier pair?
What a shapely ankle!
What a perfect shin!
If you could feel this silken thigh,
You'd know who has to win!
If you could feel this silken thigh,
You'd know."


What did he say?


"If you could feel this silken thigh... you'd KNOW."

I thought two things:

One, "Dear God I want to feel a silken thigh like that one day."

And two, "THAT is what she see's in him. While all the other fools hoot and holler and fuck and cum... he took the time to appreciate that silken thigh."

I couldn't stop thinking about it. The look on his face as he stroked her leg... he knew something other men didn't. And someday I would get to touch a beautiful silken thigh, and I swore to God I would take my time. I thought from watching porn that girls just wanted me to fuck them and put my fingers in them. But I would make them wait for that... I would leave their panties on and I would spend an hour touching and kissing ONLY that silken thigh... because...

"If you could feel that silken thigh, you'd KNOW."

And despite all that ugly, and all that grease, and those slurred words... Bernie knew. He knew.

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cut flowers

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While I was out today I became obsessed with finding black calla lilies. I wanted to see something beautiful beyond words. I stopped at a few gardening centers. But mostly, I stopped at flower stores. There were so many flowers. They should be beautiful. They should have made me swell. They made me hate.

cut flowers.

They made me hate the assholes in the store buying flowers for their girls because they think that is what girls want. but they never take the time to look at the flowers or realize that the flowers are dying...
And THAT is where the real beauty comes from.

cut flowers.

Still, the girls will gush, and the guys will be right, because people love flowers more than words and they will fuck, and not feel much. In a while they will both cum and reassure each other that something magical had happened. And the flowers will die slower because of the packet of powder that was poured into the vase.

cut flowers

I didn't find the black flowers.
If I had found them, I would have placed them on the seat of a stranger's car.
and the flowers would have died, and perhaps a single pedal would have fallen to the floor to shrivel and change and be ground into the floorboard. And later, a lifetime from now, the owner of the car would die.

And my black calla lilies would have been a small part of that life...

...and they would have been beautiful.

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